Saturday, 24 February 2018

How To Gain True Life Satisfaction



I was reminded of this a few weeks back, celebrating the success of my recent NLP Graduate students - what an awesome group! And the same week hearing news of a friend that unexpectedly passed away. 

On one hand I wanted to jump for joy and celebrate the success of my students... on the other I wanted to cry, grieve - shocked at the sudden news of my friend. 

It was a BIG reminder on how valuable life is, and how we can take it for granted. 

Hours passing by scrolling Facebook or taking the 100th photo for the perfect Instagram selfie. I read a post once by Karly Nimmo who has a two shot rule. She won't take more than two photos - and then one of those gets posted. 

Or perhaps we binge eat, binge watch Netflix, use alcohol or smoking to disconnect from pain we may be feeling.

If endless social media or another vice really fulfills us deeply then by all means we can continue as long as it doesn't harm our health. More often than not it doesn't fulfill us in the long term - if we're really honest with ourselves, we're looking for something else deep down. 

Love, belonging, connection, acceptance, excitement, variety, significance... the list goes on.

It's when we move through challenges, finding insights and learning from those moments that we transform the need to stick a 'Netflix plaster' over how we feel. 

There can be ups and downs. 

Life can bring moments of joy and love... and moments of anger and grief. Much of how we experience things is to do with what stories we tell ourselves about things. Whether we're conscious of this or not. Our thoughts & beliefs create the frustration, struggle, stress and more. Sometimes we may not want to acknowledge this, because when we do we can't point the finger anymore. We're responsible. 

For our life.

How we choose to live it. 

Whilst we may not be able to directly change all circumstances in the world and other peoples behaviour. One of our greatest gifts in life is that we have the gift of choice. Choice on what actions we take or don't take. How we choose to respond to things and see situations. 

And this needn't mean an overwhelming list of do's and don'ts, feeling angry with ourselves if we are triggered yet again by a particular person or situation. Or feeling pressure to create big changes out of fear, setting goals looking for perfection as we believe it will bring a sense of belonging, rather than out of love for ourselves and our future.

Choice can simply mean choosing to make most of the simple little things. To really LIVE this life we are living in this human experience. 

For example...

  • Stepping outside and breathing deeply rather than take our freedom to do this as granted.
  • Observing the beauty of a flower rather than hurriedly pass it by.
  • Closing our eyes and feeling the sunshine on our skin rather than think about endless to do lists.
  • Hearing the sounds that surround us as individual sounds of a larger orchestra rather than noise.
  • Noticing what we say to our self when we reconnect to the beauty of life in this way rather than beat ourselves up.

The list is endless. 

There are many options and choices available. 

Let's start with small, micro actions and experiences. It can be the small and simple things that often are the most powerful and beneficial.

I wonder... how many valuable things can we experience today?

Now I'd love to hear from you: What little blessing do you notice right now in your experience? Let me know in the comment section below. And join us in the online community.

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And if you want more information on trainings and how you can transform your life experience using NLP with heart - check out the latest trainings here.

Sunday, 28 January 2018

The Hidden Drive Behind The Inner Critic & Why Vulnerability Matters

Fearful Part: "Shouldn't do__x__ need to do __y__ uggh I'm so lazy!"

Loving Part Within: "Relax"

Fearful Part: "Look at everything that needs to get done, will never get all this done or done right, I'm so hopeless"

Loving Part Within: "Just be"

Fearful Part: "Everyone else can manage why can't I? What's wrong with me?"

Loving Part Within: "Breathe"

Fearful Part: "I feel_(alone/sad/angry/numb/depressed)_ why is everyone else happy and not me?"

Loving Part: "Connect"

How many of us have heard that fearful part, the Inner Critic's judgements before? And how many of us have experienced what I call the 'Inner Critic's Hangover'? In other words... the heavier emotional states that result from negative self-talk. 

I have. 

And so has virtually every client I've worked with. In fact, I'm sure every human being on this planet has had at least one moment of feeling low or experiencing negative self-talk at some point in their life... if not on a regular basis. To experience the variety of colour that emotions bring is natural. With many of these emotions created by previous thoughts we can create change if we desire. If we feel heavier states often we're simply experiencing the hangover of indulging in the Inner Critic's fears.

Taking a deeper look, we can ask ourselves...

What is the hidden drive for the fearful, criticising part - what is it really looking for? 
What does it believe? 
When did it first decide this?
What positive insights do we know now that we didn't know back then?

And if we aren't sure straight away... if we were to know, what would we discover?

Looking for love & belonging is a common hidden drive. Trying to perfect ourselves or show a mask as unconsciously perhaps we believe showing imperfections or vulnerability will lead to separation or abandonment. The thing is, many desire deeper meaning, belonging, happiness and fulfilment in life, yet we move through life with a mask, shielding ourselves from that very fulfilment we desire.

Ironic huh? 

Being authentic, showing our imperfections and vulnerability can lead to...


And SO much more. 

Without opening up, daring to be vulnerable, we miss out on SO much. I've been there - it can be lonely place if we remain stuck in the Inner Critic Hangover.

How can we really experience deep love and belonging if we only show a mask and remain connected to fears?

Step by step we can journey towards greater authenticity and love each day. 

Is it easy? Not always. 

It can feel scary moving out of the comfort zone, breaking free and being real. It can feel different to listen to that loving voice within rather than just the fears. It's even scarier though never allowing ourselves the gift of authenticity and love in life. 

Energetically speaking, 2018 among many things is a year of SUPPORT. To create support, give support and receive support.

For ourselves, others, and society.

So if we're going through a challenging time, it's time to reach out. Each and every one of us are so worthy of love and belonging.

Entering the shadow, finding the light (gifts) and coming out the other side. Because to only listen and live life according to fears of the shadow is to completely ignore the love and light. It's not choosing one or the other, its using both for the highest good.

Our fears (shadow part) help us appreciate our strength (light) deepen our awareness and understanding of ourselves/others/society. And the light is the strength within to find the gifts in the shadow.

Want more light in the world? 

It starts within. 

Now I'd love to hear from you!
What did you find most useful about this and what area will that help you with? Let me know in the comment section below.

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Wednesday, 20 December 2017

A Forgotten Art... & Why THIS Is So Important

It's not out there.

Despite many of us still searching. 

Often learning from a young age that to seek validation, confirmation and answers outside of ourselves is the way to go. Sure we can benefit learning from others, especially when we're growing up - in some respects it's absolutely necessary. Though by doing so with blind ignorance of what gems lie within too is where some issues can arise.

It's then why, often as adults many still feel unsatisfied.

Something missing.

Feels empty.

Mainly because we're ignoring the wealth of knowledge within us. We're stood in the empty spot between our light and shadow. Back turned to our light (who we really are, our Soul, our energy) and eyes focused on our fears of our shadow (which are much smaller than they initially look... and some say even an illusion).

Being brought up by holistic parents, aware of the the spiritual and self-awareness world from day one, I've seen and heard a few things in this field especially in the realm of teachers, gurus and coaches. Some beautiful. Others not so. Same goes for many industries. 

I soon learnt that using discernment & intuition is fundamental in this human experience we call life, especially when seeking guidance and support from a teacher. This was one of the many things NLP taught me too.

To both question things AND find answers within.

Not to question from a basis of scepticism, looking to prove something or someone wrong. Or with an arrogance that 'I don't need to learn from anyone else' attitude. Rather, with a loving, curious child-like mindset. Seeking to understand the world we live in whilst also trusting there's deep wisdom inside ourselves too.

It can be a wonderful gift to receive support and guidance from a teacher. What we need to be mindful of is not to follow a teacher blindly without checking within too. To exercise our discernment  & intuition, recognising what resonates for us.

It can be common, especially in the spiritual/self-awareness world when we resonate with the teaching's of someone that we start to place that person on a pedal-stool. I certainly have at times, and I've been on the receiving end too. Seeing that person as perfect, without flaws, which can create some form of distance between 'me' and 'them'. The issue here is that by doing so we can minimise our self and our capabilities in the process.

Believing that we'll never be able to be like them or do what they do. Whereas it's that very belief that can prevent us.

This is one of the many reasons why I became a NLP Trainer. I want people to feel empowered to look within, to know how to create changes for themselves for the rest of their life whenever they need to and find the answers. Not to solely rely on outside support from a coach or therapist. 

No outside Teacher, Mentor, Coach, Guru, whoever... can ever completely replace the wisdom we have within too. Even if we're struggling to access that wisdom inside of us, doesn't mean it's not there. We just need to slooow our lives down to hear it, trust it.

I used to think all Spiritual Guru's where unnecessary. It wasn't until I discussed this topic with a dear friend that I realised I too was limited in my thinking at that time. Seeking support from a teacher can serve a purpose, it can be a lot easier for some people to start a journey of discovery by seeking guidance outside first, before looking within. What's vital though is that we keep our feet on the ground during the process and remember that they too are human, even if they display certain gifts.

An outside teacher can provide support, comfort and guide... yes, of which during challenging times can be so valuable.

Though when we place someone on a pedal-stool we're viewing our projection of them, not the real them. And we can become attached and fearful of what might happen if one day that thing or person may disappear from our life. This is common in the initial stages of romantic relationships too. The honeymoon period ends when we realise that person has flaws, unhelpful habits and is human too.

Tony Robbins often talks about 6 Basic Human Needs, and mentions that the more needs something or someone fulfils, the more desired it can become...

  1. Love & Belonging (Connection)
  2. Significance
  3. Certainty (Perceived certainty... such as comfort, safety, security)
  4. Variety (Uncertainty)
  5. Growth
  6. Contribution

One of the reasons why smart phones can be so addictive... they fulfil many needs! 

The good news is, is that we can choose how we fulfil these needs. Finding helpful ways to generate these feelings within without the sole dependency on outside sources to do it for us. For example, choosing to create a feeling of connection when we connect to our body during exercise or to our Soul when we do an activity we love. The more we do that the less we might search for the feeling of connection from others.

This is one way we can live an empowered life and become our own Guru. Each and every one of us is so worthy, and capable. More than we may initially realise.

Click to tweet: "The answer is within" Emma Bradford

Learning to trust our gut feeling is where we can access our Inner Guru*, the guidance that is always there for us to access. Sometimes we may believe we're not intuitive, we don't get the messages like others do. Looking back most of us can pinpoint at least one time when something felt right or not. 

We do receive the messages.

It's simply our analytical mind that then doubts the message and confuses us in the process. Fear of acting according to our intuition as sometimes initially it doesn't make sense.

When we act on the intuitive feelings though, everything unfolds and can make perfect sense.

Bringing it back to love...
To practice tuning into our intuition we can start to notice how we feel in situations, around certain people. Being aware of sensations and feelings we have in the present moment. 

What is our body telling us?

Are we making decisions based on what everyone else thinks or are we taking a moment to notice what feels right for us too? 

Now I'd love to hear from you! What's your Inner Guru within telling you today? And if you're unsure... if you were to know, what would it say? Let me know in the comment section below.

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*If you haven't seen the documentary called 'Kumaré' yet, do!

Tuesday, 21 November 2017

Emotions Uncovered: The Hidden Benefits of Anger, Sadness & Fear


Painful? Uplifting? Two sides of the same coin.

There are many different shades of anger... deep, red hot rage to a light red/pink hue of mild irritation. A rainbow of emotions within the human experience, and only experiencing the sunny yellow of joy doesn't allow us to experience the full rainbow. 

As with day and night... if we continuously experience daylight, wouldn’t it get a bit boring? Notice how after a cold, dark, wet winter, spring arrives with more light and warmth. Feels good right? 

We truly appreciate the light when we've experienced darkness too. 

To appreciate the wonderful nature of joy and happiness, we also need to understand what sadness and grief feels like. Doesn't mean we need to wallow in self-pity and grief for days and weeks. It simply means when an emotion arises - acknowledge it, feel it, learn from it and then let it go.  

All emotions are valid. This goes for ourselves too... all parts are valid.  

Emotions (Energy in MOTION) are messengers giving us an invitation. Presenting a door that leads onto something else. If we decide to suppress, ignore, avoid certain emotions it's as if we keep the door closed unable to connect to the wonderful experience on the other side.

We miss out.

Often what prevents us to fully embrace emotions are our beliefs about them from past events. If we believe that crying our sadness or expressing anger is 'wrong' then whenever we feel sadness or anger we'll want to avoid or suppress it. 

It's not the emotion itself... it's the meanings we've attached to them from past experiences.

Afraid of what others might think - fear of showing our vulnerable side in case we're rejected. Vulnerability actually creates deeper bonds. 

Afraid of how it may feel - as we've attached a meaning that __x__ emotion always = pain. As a society we often search for instant pleasure rather than long term happiness. There's a difference between the two and often it's the latter that we really want even if we don't realise it. Searching for instant pleasure and avoiding certain emotions in the process won't bring us long term happiness. 

By opening ourselves to emotions, we open ourselves up to a whole world of experiences and insights. Emotions invite us to experience something else completely different and wonderful in and beyond them. 

Anger can lead to...
  • Passion... creative fuel for new projects, missions and new rights.
  • Self-esteem... by teaching us about our boundaries, our value and lead us to greater self-worth if we choose to observe the messages and act accordingly.
  • Motivation... to create change.
  • Etc..

Sadness can lead to...
  • Understanding... of what we're experiencing.
  • Gratitude... for what we had and have and to fully appreciate the uplifting times. Any sadness I've experienced, acted among many things as a reminder to appreciate what I have and become more present. To truly appreciate the wonderful joys that life has to offer that we can easily take for granted or miss in daily life.
  • Connection... with others when we open up and share how we feel. The film 'Inside Out' is a wonderful example of this.
  • Etc...

Fear can lead to...
  • Courage... to feel the fear and do what we want anyway, recognising how brave we can be.
  • Safety... so we can get ourselves out of risky situations if need be.
  • Awareness... recognising our priorities and increasing our focus.
  • Etc...

In other words it's not the hammer, it's the intention and action we choose to do with the hammer that's important. 

For too long certain emotions have been given a bad reputation, seen as something to be avoided whereas it's simply HOW we express them that's key. Expressing anger by dancing or painting how we feel is very different to punching someone in the face and spreading the anger further. The first transforms the energy, the second multiplies it.

So if anger (for example) isn't 'bad' why do we need to transform it? 

When we remain stuck and attached to certain emotions we interrupt the flow and they can build up within. A mild irritation at first may later become red hot rage if we don't see it for what it is, learn from it and express it in a healthy and productive way from the beginning. Plus I think most of us can agree that a little more peace, love and healing on this planet could be somewhat helpful!

It´s finding a balance, allowing ourselves to go with the flow, without remaining stuck to heavier emotions for too long. That's where NLP and the many other useful techniques and practices out there come in handy. Remaining stuck in certain emotional states can keep us demotivated, dis-empowered and affect our health.

Notice I use the word heavier instead of negative. If we label and judge certain emotions as negative, the more we interrupt the flow. Heavier emotions are the ones where we want to contract and withdraw... lighter emotions are the ones where we feel expansive and open.

By ignoring the knocking on the door of an emotion we miss the insight and gift... and it will only come back louder and stronger another time. 

As they say... what we resist, persists!

If we're learning something through the experience of an emotion can we really label that emotion as negative? Surely gaining new insights can be a wonderful thing, right?

So I wonder... what really lies beyond that door.

I'd love to hear from you, if you're experiencing a particular emotion what is it inviting you to connect with right now? What door is being presented to you? Let me know in the comment section below.

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Wednesday, 18 October 2017

How To Make Peace With Change & Find Comfort That Heals

How do we respond to uncertain times?

With fear? Anxiety? Anger? Or perhaps we're calm, optimistic and open to change?

Uncertainty (variety) is one of the 6 Basic Human Needs according to Tony Robbins...

1) Love & Belonging
2) Significance
3) Certainty
4) Uncertainty (Variety)
5) Growth
6) Contribution

To have a feeling of uncertainty in life is essential so we don't feel bored. Imagine what it would be like if we knew exactly what will happen every minute, every day of our lives before it happens. I don't know about you, I'd certainty crave some uncertainty just to add some variety in life!

Each individual has their own personal preference, some crave lots of uncertainty, going with the flow and unexpected surprises. Whilst others prefer more certainty in the form of routines, organisation and predictability. When we experience too much certainty for our preference, life can become a bit dull, and when we experience too much uncertainty for our liking, this can trigger higher levels of anxiety.

Each individual has their own threshold.

In my work over the last 5 years I noticed that when high levels of uncertainty were present in clients lives this was a common trigger to reach for comfort food... looking for a feeling of comfort when anxiety levels rose high.

Sometimes we might not even realise that we are affected by uncertainty... yet we can gain deep insights into what is going on unconsciously by looking at our behaviour. Our behaviour is a great insight into what thoughts, emotions, beliefs and values are in play at a deep unconscious level. Are we responding angrily to a change of plan (I know I have at times before!), are we experiencing anxiety bubbling up within? Or perhaps we're in a state of fear... what may or may not happen... worries playing on loop within our mind. 

Habitually many human beings are creatures of comfort, not wanting to move out of the comfort zone, our familiar surroundings and if anything pushes us out of it it can trigger more uncertainty in our lives sometimes leading to overwhelm and anxiety. 

The thing is, life is constantly moving and changing. 

Life IS change. 

We cannot avoid uncertain times completely. There will be moments when unexpected events occur in life.. so how about we make peace with change instead?

How To Make Peace With Change...
These following 3 steps are not the only ones out there in the world of self-awareness, though these steps can be a wonderful starting point to shifting our perspective...

1) ACKNOWLEDGE: First of all, what are we currently thinking and feeling about uncertainty and change? What does it mean for us if uncertainty and change are present?

Are we fearing the worst case scenario? 
Fear of losing what we currently have? 
Angry that things have changed? 
Anxious of what may or may not happen?

2) SHIFT THE PERSPECTIVE: We can start transforming things by challenging the Limiting Belief and acknowledging the emotions.

For example... if we believe that change is painful or difficult, then perhaps we might resist change to avoid pain. Whereas looking at things from a different perspective... perhaps it isn't the change that causes the pain, just our resistance to it that does?

We can notice beliefs as they pop up and challenge them by asking ourselves this question... 'What else could this behaviour mean? What haven't I noticed yet?'

Simply by shifting the perspective we can create a profound shift in how we feel... after all thoughts can create emotions. For more on how to shift emotions specifically join the Facebook community here.

3) CONSTRUCTIVE COMFORT vs DESTRUCTIVE COMFORT: Comfort is not a bad thing, we can absolutely benefit from downtime and an extra boost of oxytocin filled hug. What is unhelpful though, is when we use unhealthy vices to give us that feeling of 'comfort' on a regular basis. Often this can come in the form of food, alcohol and social media scrolling etc.

So the beneficial question to ask ourselves is how do I find comfort and is this constructively helping me both in the short and long term?

For example... if I'm going through a challenging time and I find myself scrolling too long on social media... I'm simply looking for looking for a form of comfort, a distraction from the challenging situation. This isn't necessarily helpful in large periods of time both short and long term so we could say it's a form of Destructive Comfort.

On the other hand, if I'm going through a challenging time and I meet up with a friend to chat about the situation this can be considered as a form of Constructive Comfort as not only can talking with a loved one be comforting, it can also support us in understanding whatever situation we're in and gain clarity on our next chosen steps of action.

Are we constructively finding comfort or are we tapping into destructive comfort seeking patterns? And if the later, what can we start doing to transform that?

Time for change, don't you think?

I'd love to hear from you... what actions of constructive comfort help you? Let me know in the comment section below.

Have friends going through a challenging time? Share this post and help to spread the love even further.

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Monday, 25 September 2017

Whatever The Situation, There Is Always This...

No one can ever take this away from us... only ourselves. 

I was reminded of this on a recent adventure in the northern tip of Menorca. Waiting at the bus stop after a scorching hot yet awesome day on the beach with a dear friend. 

37 degrees.

Yes, the hottest day I've ever experienced... aside from August in Morocco many years ago. Lesson number one, don't ever go to Morocco in August unless you like living in an oven!

In Menorca we waited, and waited and waited... only to discover that the late bus was only for local hotel guests and not the public. 


No car... no bus... I started to contemplate sleeping on the beach. Sure it was an option, though ideally at the time I wanted to get back to the flat. My mind started running through possible options...

1) Sleep on the beach 
2) Walk (might loooong walk... despite being a keen walker)
3) Hitch a ride with a passing car (I was feeling safe as I was with a friend)
4) Call a taxi (though might cost more than a flight home)

So it was decided, for the first time in my life (yes really!) I stuck out my thumb at the side of the road and waited to see if any passing cars were heading in our direction. No cars stopped. 

My friend and I were now considering sleeping on the beach.

I said out loud as I often do when I want something... "Universe, we'd like a lift back home tonight please". 

We saw a couple of late night hotel staff members getting into a car, and asked them if they were headed back to the city where we could get a connecting night bus... no, they weren't though they said a man in a white car round the corner was. 

I felt like I was part of a detective team... 'look for the white car, ask for help'. Back to reality, we found the white car, father and two sons and he said he'd drop us back to the main city.


"You're an Angel!" I said to him... he then decided to drop us back not just to the city for a connecting night bus but direct to our town. "I would only be half an Angel if I didn't take you all the way" he laughed. 

We made it home, feeling blessed and grateful for the extreme generosity of the locals on this little island. 

No matter what we think at the time, we always have options. There is always choice. Even if we feel we're in the depths of despair in challenging situations in life, even with situations we cannot change such as a loss of a loved one... everything falling apart around us... there are still options. We can see things from a different perspective and make the most out of a challenging situation. 

By remaining fixated on the problem we miss the solutions and possibilities that are available around us. A closed mindset doesn't see the whole panoramic. An open mindset has the flexibility to open up to new experiences and opportunities. 

And it just so happened, the car journey home was a great insight into local life too, quizzing the locals about the best things to do on the island, hearing direct from the islanders mouths. 


So next time you find yourself feeling stuck in a challenging situation ask yourself this...

1) What are ALL the options available here? List them all... even the ones you know you won't take. This act simply reminds us that there are always options and choices... rather than feeling like we're stuck with only one and falling into the victim mentality.

2) What can I learn here? What can these insights help me with? 

Choose one of all the possible options and notice what happens... incredible things can happen when we open up to it. 

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Tuesday, 22 August 2017

How We Can Transform Fear Into Love

I feel I write about this more and more lately, and it's too important to stop.

This time it came closer than ever. 

Barcelona, my home, my beautiful city was attacked. I was in shock when I first heard, and at the same time there was a feeling for a while that Barcelona might be a prime target with Las Ramblas welcoming millions of people every year.

It's with tears, deep sadness... yet a deep knowing and optimism that I wrote this following words to my dear Barcelona meetup members. I felt the need to share some words to my community, knowing some had to run for their lives, to show support, and however much or little we are connected to recent events - these words can be applied to virtually anything.

The shadow of this world is not easy to experience, yet we don't need to let it stop us from continuing to believe and act according to what many of us value in life - love & peace. Just as I say with the Inner Critic... let us observe, learn and continue regardless creating positive change as we do. 

It's challenging times like these that can bring up varied responses... naturally we're all different. Some use their anger and hate to fuel more hate and hurtful actions, others want to avoid talking about the challenging emotions all together and only talk about love and light. 

First let us remember this...

It's OK to experience sadness... let's use that sadness and transform it when we connect, find understanding and share support.

It's OK to experience anger... let's use that anger constructively to create meaningful actions and community projects that create positive change in society.

It's OK to experience fear and pain when we hear of events like these... let's use it as a reminder to reconnect with loving words and actions as much as possible and not remain stuck in the vibration of fear as we continue our lives.

There's a difference...
Experiencing and passing through certain emotions is completely different to brushing over and avoiding them because they are a 'lower' vibration. Spiritual bypassing gets us nowhere. Yes, as much as we connect to love the better... though without acknowledging the current situation as it is first and any emotions that may be present we miss a wonderful opportunity to transform the collective fear at many levels.

Some might say, we cannot transform something without knowing, acknowledging and understanding what we want to transform first. 

Emotions are fuel... let us USE the pain, anger and sadness we feel to propel us into creating more love in whichever way feels right for us.
  • Acts of kindness to those in the streets, affected to show that despite fear, love remains.
  • Volunteering and offering support... the plus side of Facebook is that there is a huge amount on offer right now for those in need in our city. Beautiful to see how the city is coming together.
  • And simply by stepping out of our houses, regardless of any fear and continuing with our life because we believe in something better.
  • And so much more.

We're in this together, whether we're from Barcelona or not. This is a worldwide issue. A doorway of opportunity is being opened to us now... as a society we are called to face, learn from and find the gifts in the shadow using our combined light. Rather than reject it completely.

This is both within ourselves at a personal level and in whats going on in the planet right now. 

Everything is connected. We're being called to bring more connection, understanding, peace and love into our daily lives and communities on a regular basis... not just when difficult times occur. 

Connection, support, conversation, positive action.

Let's do all that we possibly can to ACKNOWLEDGE what happens, LEARN from it and then bring even more LOVE into society... even if it's simply to offer support and comfort to those deeply affected by challenging events.

This is how we can transform fear into love.

Spreading the love further
Here are a few options to choose from if you wish to spread the love further...

I'd love to hear from you... what loving action will you take today?
Have a friend that would find this useful? Please spread the love and share this link.
Want more? Check out the latest post on how we can find the gifts in the shadow here.
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Thursday, 20 July 2017

This Could Be The Most Powerful Thing You Do...

'Nothing will change so why bother'

'There's no point even trying'

Have you thought either of these in your life before? I certainly have, and I know many of my clients have too. 

It can feel pretty awful seeing the disheartening news stories, fear based marketing and manipulative tactics out there. Being an entrepreneur I've seen the in's and out's of what goes on in the coaching world... paid likes, sneaky social media tactics, fear based marketing pointing out why people are so flawed they need to buy the product... the list goes on.

To be honest I felt sick to my stomach with some of the things I saw and heard in the last few years. I felt ashamed and embarrassed to be part of what I saw at the time, a manipulative industry.

I felt like giving up. 

Starting anew. 
Changing career despite loving what I do and hearing gratitude and thanks from clients.

I realised that whilst this was all going on, I was simply seeing so much of it because I was focused on it. The grass is greener where we water it! I opened my perspective and realised that there are also so many wholehearted, authentic coaches that offer valuable support without actively promoting the 'you're broken' message.

By shying away, avoiding the industry all together, wasn't going to bring more light and change things. If I did, it would be one less person creating a positive change in an industry that needs it. If I gave up... using other people's negative behaviour as a reason to quit, I'd be running away from the shadow side of the industry and playing the victim.

And that's not what I teach.

Running away from what we find challenging doesn't change things. By running away or ignoring things it's as if we've given others (or the issue) permission to continue growing and growing. And this is applicable to everything... what we see in society, aspects about ourselves, issues in relationships... everything we find a challenge. 

Those of you who have been following my work for a while will know I talk a lot about light and shadow. This metaphor is the basis of what I teach - Wholehearted NLP. Using NLP with heart for the highest good of ourselves and others, to uncover the gifts and messages of the shadow (the parts we don't like) so we can reconnect to our light (our true essence). 

Light and shadow is within everything. You probably have heard of Yin and Yang right? Opposing energy forces. If you look at the image below you can see how connected the two forces are. We cannot have one without the other. Where there's night also comes day... when we can experience hot we can also experience cold.

Also notice that within the shadow side there is a little bit of light too. 

This light within the shadow can come in the form of gifts, insights, meaning, connection and support all of which can be found during challenging times and situations... if we dare to open up to it and face the shadow. I've come to realise that it's not one or the other. It's both. hand in hand. Light and shadow together that invite us to fully embrace, learn from and appreciate this human experience we call life. 

The light comforts, reminds us of our immense strength and supports us as we shine light on the shadow to uncover the insights.

The shadow provides gifts, deep insights and supports us to fully appreciate the light. 

Gaining Clarity...

1) INTERNAL: If we use this metaphor to look at ourselves... embracing both the parts we like (light) and the parts we don't (shadow) this can bring true wholehearted self-acceptance. Let's use our strengths to help us overcome what we find challenging within. 

2) EXTERNAL: If we use this metaphor to take positive action (light) regarding the horrors (shadow) we see in society... this is what starts to create more peace. Let's use positive behaviours and actions to create new projects, communities and experiences that support and generate wonderful change in the parts where the shadow is prevalent. 

Actionable Steps...

1) INTERNAL: What's your top strength? How can you use that to start transforming (even if it's simply transforming by perspective) a part of yourself you don't like? For example... my creativity is one of my strengths and this plays a key role in helping me express painful emotions from my shadow. 

2) EXTERNAL: One, simple act of kindness has the ability to completely transform someone's day. The receiver can feel wonderful and often feels inclined to spread it out further... creating a ripple effect. What simple act of kindness can you do today? For example... helping someone up the stairs with their suitcase or simply a smile as you go about your day.

The big changes in the world are calling us to take a good look within and outside of ourselves. To finally face whats been lurking in the shadow for a long time, whether that's personal fears or racism, hatred and inequality in society. We cannot destroy something with the same thinking that created it. Matching fear with fear does not create love. Time is calling us to look at the shadow head on, shine our light on it, find the gifts IN it and use those gifts to create positive change. 

It's up to us. 

Let's use what we don't like as fuel for creating loving change rather than running away and blaming. Let's be empowered rather than victims. 

It's time for change. 

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Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Avoidance... And My Mosquito Bite Adventure


More common than we think. It's behind most sabotaging behaviours too. 

Yes there are positive intentions, things, feelings we search for unconsciously... there are also benefits and gains by avoiding what we want to move away from. 

It's all too common nowadays to bury our head in the sand. Technology makes this easier too. Facing an awkward silence in the lift with someone you don't know? 

Out comes the mobile. 

We often use mobile phones as an escapism... a jail free card... a way out. Rather than facing things head on, even if they're uncomfortable at first. Avoiding the present moment. I was reminded of avoidance as I was bitten for the 3rd time in a row one hot summer evening by a mosquito. 

Yes even mosquitoes can bring insights!

Angrily cursing... "what's the point of mosquitoes?" "its bad enough being bitten, why do we need to be left with an irritating bite mark too?"

"Presence" I heard within. 

My intuition was pointing how out of touch with the present moment I was at that time and the mosquito bites did have a silver lining... to reconnect with my body and the present moment. Even if it was an irritating reminder! This is not to say that every mosquito bite is a call to be present, each person and situation is different. It certainly seemed the case for me at the time. 

Looking within a little deeper (my curious mindset is often exlporing) all three bites were on the same side of my body even though both sides were visible to the mosquito. 


Some people say depending whether symptoms are displayed on the right or left hand side of the body it can give an insight to what contributing emotional conflicts are present. 

As far out as it may sound to some, emotions can contribute to physical symptoms that we experience... whatever the symptom. Making that symptom worse or better, as we create and influence our reality. 

For example... the left hand side of the body is generally considered to be connected to our feminine energy, female relationships, mother etc. Whereas the right hand side of the body is largely considered to indicate emotions about the masculine energetic side of ourselves, father figure, male relationships etc. There are many different theories and insights out there... though this theory in particular always stuck as it resonates with me. 

It made sense, I was annoyed about a particular situation and person at the time. And that matched exactly with which side of the body I had the mosquito bites on. I was experiencing an irritating physical reminder of how 'irritated' I was because I avoided the anger in the first place. I was being called present to the irritation I initially tried to avoid. 

This was another reminder, another wake up call to step even closer to authentic wholehearted living.

And let this be a lesson... emotions will always surface and manifest one way or another! If we suppress them now, they'll often bubble up in another form later on. 

Our experiences around us are a direct mirror into what is happening internally. 

We can observe and learn or we can avoid. It's our choice. We don't need to obsessively dissect every single thing we experience to find meaning... life is simply for living and having care-free fun too :-). It can help though at times to understand the meaning behind certain situations by tapping into that curious mindset. 

There are no right or wrong answers either, and many factors can come into play. Though by looking within, reflecting on possible meanings behind experiences can give us many insights and answers. 

Find the answer that resonates for you.

1) "I wonder, what is my current external experience highlighting about my internal world?"

2) "And how can I use this information with compassion to create the best outcome for myself and others?"

I realised after that experience how much I had avoided presence in many areas of my life. Presence with certain emotions, certain situations, and certain feelings sensations. By looking a little deeper into experiences we can gain insights into what beliefs, thoughts and emotions that may contribute. 

This is a common example I see with clients and in workshops too is the desire to avoid conflict at times. To avoid speaking our truth as often there is a hidden belief that it will create conflict if we do. Truth is, it's more about how we communicate rather that what we say. Only 7% of communication is based on actual words!

This calls for compassion. 

If you find that you have been avoiding certain situations and feelings first be kind to yourself. There's a reason behind every behaviour... find it, learn from it and then choose the direction you wish to go in. There are many insights to be had, and support around... we don't benefit from it though if we continue to avoid it. 

May each step on this journey be another deeper, compassionate stepping stone towards an even greater wholehearted life. Let's walk this path as one loving community.

If you'd like support in creating new habits and managing emotions and negative self-talk get in touch for online Wholehearted NLP sessions. Simply email...

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