Wednesday, 18 October 2017

How To Make Peace With Change & Find Comfort That Heals

How do we respond to uncertain times?

With fear? Anxiety? Anger? Or perhaps we're calm, optimistic and open to change?

Uncertainty (variety) is one of the 6 Basic Human Needs according to Tony Robbins...

1) Love & Belonging
2) Significance
3) Certainty
4) Uncertainty (Variety)
5) Growth
6) Contribution

To have a feeling of uncertainty in life is essential so we don't feel bored. Imagine what it would be like if we knew exactly what will happen every minute, every day of our lives before it happens. I don't know about you, I'd certainty crave some uncertainty just to add some variety in life!

Each individual has their own personal preference, some crave lots of uncertainty, going with the flow and unexpected surprises. Whilst others prefer more certainty in the form of routines, organisation and predictability. When we experience too much certainty for our preference, life can become a bit dull, and when we experience too much uncertainty for our liking, this can trigger higher levels of anxiety.

Each individual has their own threshold.

In my work over the last 5 years I noticed that when high levels of uncertainty were present in clients lives this was a common trigger to reach for comfort food... looking for a feeling of comfort when anxiety levels rose high.

Sometimes we might not even realise that we are affected by uncertainty... yet we can gain deep insights into what is going on unconsciously by looking at our behaviour. Our behaviour is a great insight into what thoughts, emotions, beliefs and values are in play at a deep unconscious level. Are we responding angrily to a change of plan (I know I have at times before!), are we experiencing anxiety bubbling up within? Or perhaps we're in a state of fear... what may or may not happen... worries playing on loop within our mind. 

Habitually many human beings are creatures of comfort, not wanting to move out of the comfort zone, our familiar surroundings and if anything pushes us out of it it can trigger more uncertainty in our lives sometimes leading to overwhelm and anxiety. 

The thing is, life is constantly moving and changing. 

Life IS change. 

We cannot avoid uncertain times completely. There will be moments when unexpected events occur in life.. so how about we make peace with change instead?




How To Make Peace With Change...
These following 3 steps are not the only ones out there in the world of self-awareness, though these steps can be a wonderful starting point to shifting our perspective...

1) ACKNOWLEDGE: First of all, what are we currently thinking and feeling about uncertainty and change? What does it mean for us if uncertainty and change are present?

Are we fearing the worst case scenario? 
Fear of losing what we currently have? 
Angry that things have changed? 
Anxious of what may or may not happen?

2) SHIFT THE PERSPECTIVE: We can start transforming things by challenging the Limiting Belief and acknowledging the emotions.

For example... if we believe that change is painful or difficult, then perhaps we might resist change to avoid pain. Whereas looking at things from a different perspective... perhaps it isn't the change that causes the pain, just our resistance to it that does?

We can notice beliefs as they pop up and challenge them by asking ourselves this question... 'What else could this behaviour mean? What haven't I noticed yet?'

Simply by shifting the perspective we can create a profound shift in how we feel... after all thoughts can create emotions. For more on how to shift emotions specifically join the Facebook community here.

3) CONSTRUCTIVE COMFORT vs DESTRUCTIVE COMFORT: Comfort is not a bad thing, we can absolutely benefit from downtime and an extra boost of oxytocin filled hug. What is unhelpful though, is when we use unhealthy vices to give us that feeling of 'comfort' on a regular basis. Often this can come in the form of food, alcohol and social media scrolling etc.

So the beneficial question to ask ourselves is how do I find comfort and is this constructively helping me both in the short and long term?

For example... if I'm going through a challenging time and I find myself scrolling too long on social media... I'm simply looking for looking for a form of comfort, a distraction from the challenging situation. This isn't necessarily helpful in large periods of time both short and long term so we could say it's a form of Destructive Comfort.

On the other hand, if I'm going through a challenging time and I meet up with a friend to chat about the situation this can be considered as a form of Constructive Comfort as not only can talking with a loved one be comforting, it can also support us in understanding whatever situation we're in and gain clarity on our next chosen steps of action.

Are we constructively finding comfort or are we tapping into destructive comfort seeking patterns? And if the later, what can we start doing to transform that?

Time for change, don't you think?



I'd love to hear from you... what actions of constructive comfort help you? Let me know in the comment section below.

Have friends going through a challenging time? Share this post and help to spread the love even further.

For more information on 1:1 coaching, Wholehearted NLP Trainings, FREE resources and more... check out www.emmabradford.net

Monday, 25 September 2017

Whatever The Situation, There Is Always This...

No one can ever take this away from us... only ourselves. 

I was reminded of this on a recent adventure in the northern tip of Menorca. Waiting at the bus stop after a scorching hot yet awesome day on the beach with a dear friend. 

37 degrees.

Yes, the hottest day I've ever experienced... aside from August in Morocco many years ago. Lesson number one, don't ever go to Morocco in August unless you like living in an oven!

In Menorca we waited, and waited and waited... only to discover that the late bus was only for local hotel guests and not the public. 

Damn. 

No car... no bus... I started to contemplate sleeping on the beach. Sure it was an option, though ideally at the time I wanted to get back to the flat. My mind started running through possible options...

1) Sleep on the beach 
2) Walk (might loooong walk... despite being a keen walker)
3) Hitch a ride with a passing car (I was feeling safe as I was with a friend)
4) Call a taxi (though might cost more than a flight home)

So it was decided, for the first time in my life (yes really!) I stuck out my thumb at the side of the road and waited to see if any passing cars were heading in our direction. No cars stopped. 

My friend and I were now considering sleeping on the beach.

I said out loud as I often do when I want something... "Universe, we'd like a lift back home tonight please". 

We saw a couple of late night hotel staff members getting into a car, and asked them if they were headed back to the city where we could get a connecting night bus... no, they weren't though they said a man in a white car round the corner was. 

I felt like I was part of a detective team... 'look for the white car, ask for help'. Back to reality, we found the white car, father and two sons and he said he'd drop us back to the main city.

Phew! 

"You're an Angel!" I said to him... he then decided to drop us back not just to the city for a connecting night bus but direct to our town. "I would only be half an Angel if I didn't take you all the way" he laughed. 

We made it home, feeling blessed and grateful for the extreme generosity of the locals on this little island. 

No matter what we think at the time, we always have options. There is always choice. Even if we feel we're in the depths of despair in challenging situations in life, even with situations we cannot change such as a loss of a loved one... everything falling apart around us... there are still options. We can see things from a different perspective and make the most out of a challenging situation. 




By remaining fixated on the problem we miss the solutions and possibilities that are available around us. A closed mindset doesn't see the whole panoramic. An open mindset has the flexibility to open up to new experiences and opportunities. 


And it just so happened, the car journey home was a great insight into local life too, quizzing the locals about the best things to do on the island, hearing direct from the islanders mouths. 

...

So next time you find yourself feeling stuck in a challenging situation ask yourself this...

1) What are ALL the options available here? List them all... even the ones you know you won't take. This act simply reminds us that there are always options and choices... rather than feeling like we're stuck with only one and falling into the victim mentality.

2) What can I learn here? What can these insights help me with? 

Choose one of all the possible options and notice what happens... incredible things can happen when we open up to it. 





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Tuesday, 22 August 2017

How We Can Transform Fear Into Love

I feel I write about this more and more lately, and it's too important to stop.

This time it came closer than ever. 

Barcelona, my home, my beautiful city was attacked. I was in shock when I first heard, and at the same time there was a feeling for a while that Barcelona might be a prime target with Las Ramblas welcoming millions of people every year.

It's with tears, deep sadness... yet a deep knowing and optimism that I wrote this following words to my dear Barcelona meetup members. I felt the need to share some words to my community, knowing some had to run for their lives, to show support, and however much or little we are connected to recent events - these words can be applied to virtually anything.

The shadow of this world is not easy to experience, yet we don't need to let it stop us from continuing to believe and act according to what many of us value in life - love & peace. Just as I say with the Inner Critic... let us observe, learn and continue regardless creating positive change as we do. 





It's challenging times like these that can bring up varied responses... naturally we're all different. Some use their anger and hate to fuel more hate and hurtful actions, others want to avoid talking about the challenging emotions all together and only talk about love and light. 

First let us remember this...

It's OK to experience sadness... let's use that sadness and transform it when we connect, find understanding and share support.

It's OK to experience anger... let's use that anger constructively to create meaningful actions and community projects that create positive change in society.

It's OK to experience fear and pain when we hear of events like these... let's use it as a reminder to reconnect with loving words and actions as much as possible and not remain stuck in the vibration of fear as we continue our lives.

There's a difference...
Experiencing and passing through certain emotions is completely different to brushing over and avoiding them because they are a 'lower' vibration. Spiritual bypassing gets us nowhere. Yes, as much as we connect to love the better... though without acknowledging the current situation as it is first and any emotions that may be present we miss a wonderful opportunity to transform the collective fear at many levels.

Some might say, we cannot transform something without knowing, acknowledging and understanding what we want to transform first. 

Emotions are fuel... let us USE the pain, anger and sadness we feel to propel us into creating more love in whichever way feels right for us.
  • Acts of kindness to those in the streets, affected to show that despite fear, love remains.
  • Volunteering and offering support... the plus side of Facebook is that there is a huge amount on offer right now for those in need in our city. Beautiful to see how the city is coming together.
  • And simply by stepping out of our houses, regardless of any fear and continuing with our life because we believe in something better.
  • And so much more.

We're in this together, whether we're from Barcelona or not. This is a worldwide issue. A doorway of opportunity is being opened to us now... as a society we are called to face, learn from and find the gifts in the shadow using our combined light. Rather than reject it completely.

This is both within ourselves at a personal level and in whats going on in the planet right now. 


Everything is connected. We're being called to bring more connection, understanding, peace and love into our daily lives and communities on a regular basis... not just when difficult times occur. 

Connection, support, conversation, positive action.

Let's do all that we possibly can to ACKNOWLEDGE what happens, LEARN from it and then bring even more LOVE into society... even if it's simply to offer support and comfort to those deeply affected by challenging events.

This is how we can transform fear into love.


Spreading the love further
Here are a few options to choose from if you wish to spread the love further...

I'd love to hear from you... what loving action will you take today?
Have a friend that would find this useful? Please spread the love and share this link.
Want more? Check out the latest post on how we can find the gifts in the shadow here.
Looking for Support? FREE online community here



Thursday, 20 July 2017

This Could Be The Most Powerful Thing You Do...

'Nothing will change so why bother'

'There's no point even trying'

Have you thought either of these in your life before? I certainly have, and I know many of my clients have too. 

It can feel pretty awful seeing the disheartening news stories, fear based marketing and manipulative tactics out there. Being an entrepreneur I've seen the in's and out's of what goes on in the coaching world... paid likes, sneaky social media tactics, fear based marketing pointing out why people are so flawed they need to buy the product... the list goes on.

To be honest I felt sick to my stomach with some of the things I saw and heard in the last few years. I felt ashamed and embarrassed to be part of what I saw at the time, a manipulative industry.

I felt like giving up. 

Starting anew. 
Changing career despite loving what I do and hearing gratitude and thanks from clients.

I realised that whilst this was all going on, I was simply seeing so much of it because I was focused on it. The grass is greener where we water it! I opened my perspective and realised that there are also so many wholehearted, authentic coaches that offer valuable support without actively promoting the 'you're broken' message.

By shying away, avoiding the industry all together, wasn't going to bring more light and change things. If I did, it would be one less person creating a positive change in an industry that needs it. If I gave up... using other people's negative behaviour as a reason to quit, I'd be running away from the shadow side of the industry and playing the victim.

And that's not what I teach.







Running away from what we find challenging doesn't change things. By running away or ignoring things it's as if we've given others (or the issue) permission to continue growing and growing. And this is applicable to everything... what we see in society, aspects about ourselves, issues in relationships... everything we find a challenge. 

Those of you who have been following my work for a while will know I talk a lot about light and shadow. This metaphor is the basis of what I teach - Wholehearted NLP. Using NLP with heart for the highest good of ourselves and others, to uncover the gifts and messages of the shadow (the parts we don't like) so we can reconnect to our light (our true essence). 

Light and shadow is within everything. You probably have heard of Yin and Yang right? Opposing energy forces. If you look at the image below you can see how connected the two forces are. We cannot have one without the other. Where there's night also comes day... when we can experience hot we can also experience cold.

Also notice that within the shadow side there is a little bit of light too. 




This light within the shadow can come in the form of gifts, insights, meaning, connection and support all of which can be found during challenging times and situations... if we dare to open up to it and face the shadow. I've come to realise that it's not one or the other. It's both. hand in hand. Light and shadow together that invite us to fully embrace, learn from and appreciate this human experience we call life. 

The light comforts, reminds us of our immense strength and supports us as we shine light on the shadow to uncover the insights.

The shadow provides gifts, deep insights and supports us to fully appreciate the light. 


Gaining Clarity...

1) INTERNAL: If we use this metaphor to look at ourselves... embracing both the parts we like (light) and the parts we don't (shadow) this can bring true wholehearted self-acceptance. Let's use our strengths to help us overcome what we find challenging within. 

2) EXTERNAL: If we use this metaphor to take positive action (light) regarding the horrors (shadow) we see in society... this is what starts to create more peace. Let's use positive behaviours and actions to create new projects, communities and experiences that support and generate wonderful change in the parts where the shadow is prevalent. 


Actionable Steps...

1) INTERNAL: What's your top strength? How can you use that to start transforming (even if it's simply transforming by perspective) a part of yourself you don't like? For example... my creativity is one of my strengths and this plays a key role in helping me express painful emotions from my shadow. 

2) EXTERNAL: One, simple act of kindness has the ability to completely transform someone's day. The receiver can feel wonderful and often feels inclined to spread it out further... creating a ripple effect. What simple act of kindness can you do today? For example... helping someone up the stairs with their suitcase or simply a smile as you go about your day.


The big changes in the world are calling us to take a good look within and outside of ourselves. To finally face whats been lurking in the shadow for a long time, whether that's personal fears or racism, hatred and inequality in society. We cannot destroy something with the same thinking that created it. Matching fear with fear does not create love. Time is calling us to look at the shadow head on, shine our light on it, find the gifts IN it and use those gifts to create positive change. 

It's up to us. 

Let's use what we don't like as fuel for creating loving change rather than running away and blaming. Let's be empowered rather than victims. 

It's time for change. 



Have a friend who would find this useful? Please continue spreading the love and share this post.. this could count as one of the acts of kindness!

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Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Avoidance... And My Mosquito Bite Adventure

Avoidance. 

More common than we think. It's behind most sabotaging behaviours too. 

Yes there are positive intentions, things, feelings we search for unconsciously... there are also benefits and gains by avoiding what we want to move away from. 

It's all too common nowadays to bury our head in the sand. Technology makes this easier too. Facing an awkward silence in the lift with someone you don't know? 

Out comes the mobile. 



We often use mobile phones as an escapism... a jail free card... a way out. Rather than facing things head on, even if they're uncomfortable at first. Avoiding the present moment. I was reminded of avoidance as I was bitten for the 3rd time in a row one hot summer evening by a mosquito. 

Yes even mosquitoes can bring insights!

Angrily cursing... "what's the point of mosquitoes?" "its bad enough being bitten, why do we need to be left with an irritating bite mark too?"

"Presence" I heard within. 

My intuition was pointing how out of touch with the present moment I was at that time and the mosquito bites did have a silver lining... to reconnect with my body and the present moment. Even if it was an irritating reminder! This is not to say that every mosquito bite is a call to be present, each person and situation is different. It certainly seemed the case for me at the time. 

Looking within a little deeper (my curious mindset is often exlporing) all three bites were on the same side of my body even though both sides were visible to the mosquito. 

Interesting.

Some people say depending whether symptoms are displayed on the right or left hand side of the body it can give an insight to what contributing emotional conflicts are present. 

As far out as it may sound to some, emotions can contribute to physical symptoms that we experience... whatever the symptom. Making that symptom worse or better, as we create and influence our reality. 

For example... the left hand side of the body is generally considered to be connected to our feminine energy, female relationships, mother etc. Whereas the right hand side of the body is largely considered to indicate emotions about the masculine energetic side of ourselves, father figure, male relationships etc. There are many different theories and insights out there... though this theory in particular always stuck as it resonates with me. 

It made sense, I was annoyed about a particular situation and person at the time. And that matched exactly with which side of the body I had the mosquito bites on. I was experiencing an irritating physical reminder of how 'irritated' I was because I avoided the anger in the first place. I was being called present to the irritation I initially tried to avoid. 

This was another reminder, another wake up call to step even closer to authentic wholehearted living.

And let this be a lesson... emotions will always surface and manifest one way or another! If we suppress them now, they'll often bubble up in another form later on. 

Our experiences around us are a direct mirror into what is happening internally. 

We can observe and learn or we can avoid. It's our choice. We don't need to obsessively dissect every single thing we experience to find meaning... life is simply for living and having care-free fun too :-). It can help though at times to understand the meaning behind certain situations by tapping into that curious mindset. 





There are no right or wrong answers either, and many factors can come into play. Though by looking within, reflecting on possible meanings behind experiences can give us many insights and answers. 

Find the answer that resonates for you.


1) "I wonder, what is my current external experience highlighting about my internal world?"

2) "And how can I use this information with compassion to create the best outcome for myself and others?"


I realised after that experience how much I had avoided presence in many areas of my life. Presence with certain emotions, certain situations, and certain feelings sensations. By looking a little deeper into experiences we can gain insights into what beliefs, thoughts and emotions that may contribute. 

This is a common example I see with clients and in workshops too is the desire to avoid conflict at times. To avoid speaking our truth as often there is a hidden belief that it will create conflict if we do. Truth is, it's more about how we communicate rather that what we say. Only 7% of communication is based on actual words!

This calls for compassion. 

If you find that you have been avoiding certain situations and feelings first be kind to yourself. There's a reason behind every behaviour... find it, learn from it and then choose the direction you wish to go in. There are many insights to be had, and support around... we don't benefit from it though if we continue to avoid it. 

May each step on this journey be another deeper, compassionate stepping stone towards an even greater wholehearted life. Let's walk this path as one loving community.


If you'd like support in creating new habits and managing emotions and negative self-talk get in touch for online Wholehearted NLP sessions. Simply email... info@emmabradford.net.

Have a friend who would find this useful? Share this post. 

For more... check out the FREE downloads, online community and podcast on my website www.emmabradford.net

Monday, 22 May 2017

I Was Guilty... & The Truth About The Search For Happiness

I wrote the majority of this post flying at 35,000ft.

It's often where I get my best insights and ideas.

This time I was fuelled, seeing a magazine article in the airport titled 'How To Be Happy Everyday'. Those of you in my Facebook Community 'Compassionate Inner Light' would have seen my Facebook post as it happened. 

Maybe I misunderstood the article.

Maybe I didn't.

Often though, articles like that bring more pressure than pleasure.

Yes, we are the ones that attach meanings to situations... yes we create how we feel. However I feel the need to clarify a few things because there are so many misconceptions and misleading articles. 

With 5 years of professional experience in the self-awareness world, I've seen a lot of rubbish out there and I've also seen many authentic, heart driven professionals. I've lost my way a few times too, trying to find the balance between putting the message out there without trying to make anyone feel broken. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not, and in the last year especially I've realised the importance of this. 

Professionals are not in charge of what the reader feels and what meanings they attach to things however I believe we have a responsibility to put out a message of hope, reassurance and support - emphasising that no one is broken. We may feel broken at times, though at our core, no one is. And it deeply saddens me that there can be individuals reading magazine articles like the one I saw, thinking 'I'm not happy every day... there's something wrong with me... I need what they're selling'.

Stop right there. 

There is nothing wrong if we don't feel happy ALL the time.




Click To Tweet: "We're not the emotions we feel... we're just experiencing them" Emma Bradford


For most of my life, I was caught up in what people call 'Spiritual Bypassing'. Only focusing on the light. Ignoring the shadow. Suppressing and ignoring heavier emotions. Probably why a few challenges came into my life to slap me in the face and 'wake me up' - so I could finally start acknowledging my fears.

I'll be honest, being a naturally optimistic person I still have my moments. Though thanks to NLP and great life challenges the steps towards wholehearted living are even more frequent. 

The most important being honesty with myself.

To live wholeheartedly avoiding spiritual bypassing doesn't mean we have to broadcast publicly every single time we feel an emotion (whether that's on social media or other) unless we feel called to do so.

What it means simply is being as authentic and honest as we can. Living with awareness towards our perfect messy humanness. To live wholeheartedly means that we acknowledge how we feel... being honest with ourselves and others, noticing, observing and expressing that as we feel the need, in a healthy way whether be it through creative activity such as (dancing, writing...) and/or heartfelt communication etc.

So that magazine article title got me thinking...

There's a HUGE difference between desperately searching for instant happiness every moment, running away from pain compared to creating long lasting satisfaction and happiness of life accepting the ups and downs.. 


1) Desperately searching for happiness, often invites us to use vices that bring only short lived pleasure or obsessively setting goal after goal seeking to improve our lives out of fear of where we are... never feeling happy with the current moment. "I'll be happy when I have___(fill in the blank)___". This state is fearful, future based and unappreciative of the gifts the present moment can bring.

2) Creating long lasting life satisfaction is actively connecting to what we love and what fills us with joy at a deep Soul level regularly. Engaging in uplifting activities that speak to us, and help us reconnect and enjoy life. Noticing what we feel grateful for, simple pleasures in life. This state is active, present and grateful.





Life has polarity.

We have Yin/Yang, night/day, light/dark. And I'm guessing it's so we can really appreciate one by experiencing the other. It's so we can really feel and learn from this human experience to the full, by appreciating all colours life has to offer. We can even see from recent films such as 'Inside Out'... Sadness has it's value.

In my humble opinion I believe much of life is about this fluidity, moving through the highs and lows finding our balance as we do. There's no need to remain stuck in heavier emotional states and fall victim to how we feel... blaming outside influences for it as we do.

That's where NLP comes in handy. We have the ability to influence how we feel anytime, anywhere. Remembering that we are not the emotions we feel... we are simply experiencing them.

There's also no need to suppress and ignore what the shadow brings up. This also includes constantly and obsessively using practises to feel happier and energised whilst ignoring the deeper messages challenging emotions have to offer. Spiritual Bypassing has long term consequences - I know... I'm still healing from years of it.

If you think you've been caught up in the desperate search for happiness or have been Spiritually Bypassing and feel the need to regain balance try this...

  1. Be kind to yourself. We have all been there, it's ok. 
  2. What fulfils you at a deep Soul level? What little things generate a sense of joy and satisfaction? Brainstorm a list, what I call the 'I love...' page. A few of mine would include cups of tea in the sunshine, flowers, taking photos of beauty in nature, listening to podcasts whilst creating in the kitchen, dancing like no one is watching etc.
  3. Chose ONE thing from that list and bring it into your life regularly noticing how that feels as you do. One simple thing... daily or weekly... you choose. As some would say, we often give ourselves enough pressures and duties in life... life is simply about being authentic reconnecting to what we love. Remembering what fills us up from the inside out and living life according to our true self as much as we can.

Now I'd love to hear from you! In the comment section below let me know one thing on your 'I love...' page. Studies show stating new habits and goals out loud increase our chances of actually creating that shift.

Have a friend that would find this useful? Please share and spread the love even further :-)

More information and FREE downloads on my website www.emmabradford.net

Sunday, 30 April 2017

Two NLP Hacks To Get Back On Track

That moment of frustration - you know there must be a better way to achieve something yet you can't quite see it. What do you do? 

Give up? 

Keep going doing the same thing over and over? 

Or do what toddlers do? (And no I don't mean a tantrum).

Behaviour flexibility - Toddlers are experts at it. If they can't get what they want, their behaviour moves from begging, crying, shouting, throwing things. Whilst these behaviours might not be appropriate as adults in most situations... it's the mindset that's invaluable. If one thing doesn't work whilst moving towards a goal, try something else. Still moving in the same direction though changing the tactic, the approach.

I was reminded of this whilst playing Trionimos with my Grandmother recently. You can learn a lot from this game and my patience and determination was certainly tested many times! To fit all the tiles together it takes behaviour flexibility, finding new ways to readjust the tiles so all of them connect. 




One of the BIGGEST reasons why people don't achieve the goals they desire aside from the limiting beliefs and fears... is the lack of consistency. 

It's easy to give up. 

It's easy to give up and say it didn't work. Quite often we do this just before the results arrive too.

Giving up doesn't bring you what you want though. 

If one approach doesn't work... try another. If two Trionimo tiles don't fit together, move a few others around so they all can. 

It sounds simple, and often the most beneficial things are. These things can often get overlooked for their simplicity and then many wonder why some people have 'all the luck' and they don't. 

Digging a little deeper, it isn't a question of luck at all. 

By adopting behaviour flexibility we can TRANSFORM situations, discover new solutions, gain new skills and so much more. It just requires us to tap into that flexible, curious mindset. "Mm I wonder, how can I make this work?"

Sometimes we can become stuck thinking that if we let go of the way we've been doing something that means we've failed in some way. And this couldn't be further from the truth. It's not a failure to change the approach. Some would say it's a failure not to try, or even still to continue repeating the same behaviour even though it's not working. 

So this month, if you have something you'd like to bring into your life for example...

  • Learning a new skill
  • Regaining your healthy natural weight
  • Maintaining a regular yoga or meditation practice
  • Increasing the amount of wholefoods consumed
  • Etc...

And you feel like giving up, use these next few points as a reminder...

1) What is your WHY. Why do you want to bring this into your life? Use this as motivation when you feel like giving up. What will that that new yoga or mediation practice give you for example? What will you be able to let go of? 

2) Boost your emotional state. When we feel good, we naturally feel more energised to continue learning that new skill or maintain a regular practice. Regularly connect with music that you love, images that inspire and energise you, inspiring podcasts etc (and if you haven't checked out The Life Manual podcast you can do so here).

These two points can help whenever you need to re-adjust, try a different approach and keep moving forward. It doesn't matter if we hit a obstacle. It matters what we do consistently that counts. And slip ups teach us a wealth of wisdom... IF we tap into that behaviour flexibility and keep moving forward. 


I'd love to hear your thoughts! What new practice or goal are you bringing into your life now and what will help you? And if you'd like to read further on motivation check out my previous blog post here

Have a friend that would find this useful? Offer them a helping hand and forward on this post. 

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Tuesday, 21 March 2017

How One Post-It Note Propelled Me Into Change...

It's of the biggest lessons I've learnt in life.

That no matter how bleak a situation may seem. There is always one thing that remains.

Choice. There are many options in life and often we forget how many are available to us. Not only that, also we're the ones in control whether we're aware or not. 

NLP has been a loving 'kick up the backside' and reminder for me many times whenever I've felt like a victim. And yes being a victim is more common than we think...

Finding every excuse and reason why...

  • We can't do something - even though we know we'd benefit by doing it.
  • We need to hold onto a problem, remaining focused on the problem not open to considering different perspectives.
  • We're not to blame and the other person or outside force is and they have inflicted us (this includes blaming the government for how we feel!)
  • We need to hold onto a grudge... even if it's something from years ago (move on, for your sake and if you need help letting go check out this previous blog post). 
  • We need sympathy from others believing that life always throws us the worst.
  • Everyone else is better than us or has what we want and lack.
  • We don't deserve good things, yet other people do.
  • We always have such bad luck or always fall ill. 
  • We need to use the phrases 'If only I had done___x, y, z___' - self blame is also being a victim!
  • And much more...

So how does NLP shake us out of this? 

If we create our emotions through our thoughts, behaviour, lifestyle etc then nobody can force us to feel a certain way. It may feel like they can, though we are the ones attaching meaning to that situation and influencing how we feel no matter how uncomfortable that might be to hear. 

And if we're creating how we feel surely we can create a different response right? 

Yes! And this is where NLP (or any other method that works with the unconscious mind) comes in handy. It helps us to let go of emotional triggers and consciously create how we wish to feel.


First, let's be clear...

To have the occasional moan means we're human. No need to beat ourselves up. Though to remain stuck in a victim mentality, using any of the above list on a regular basis keeps us dis-empowered, stuck and in a state of lack and fear. 

Not to mention pretty miserable. 

The easy option is to blame. The happier option is to accept personal responsibility for our life and empower ourselves into the life we desire. If we desire change we need to take inspired action and influence what we can... ourselves and how we respond to things. 

One thing that can help is observing what we're really looking for. Our behaviour is a clear indication of what is going on unconsciously - some say our unconscious mind controls more than 95% of our behaviour! By observing our behaviour we can gain an idea of what our unconscious wants. Quite often with victim behaviour, it's a desire to feel loved with a sense of belonging. If you catch yourself doing any of the above behaviours ask yourself this...

1) What am I really looking for? 

2) And how can I generate some of this myself? 

For example, if we're looking for love, we can find ways to connect to that feeling rather than expecting others on a daily basis to generate that for us. Because that's how we experience love - it's a feeling and there are many ways to create how you feel. Loving words, thoughts, sights, sounds, smells, environments etc that don't solely depend on other people. 







Try this... 

In the past if I wanted to make changes, bring something new into my life and felt resistance cropping up... I would write the following words on a post-it note and place it somewhere I could see it everyday.


Option 1: Stay the same 

Option 2: Make a change




That reminder, noticing what life would be like if I remained the in the same situation for years and years, along with removing any necessary limiting beliefs and inner conflicts, meant desired experiences were a lot easier to bring into my life. 

And when I say make a change, it's about aligning ourselves with our authentic self, so we can receive what we truly desire, re-framing situations so they no longer bother us and seeing things from another perspective. 

When we remove limiting beliefs its as if the glasses we wear become a little sharper, a few scratches removed so we can see things with a clearer perspective. It's about remembering who we truly are, letting go of all the false beliefs of 'not being good enough' we may have picked up along the way.


Because you are, absolutely good enough, without a doubt to experience the life you desire.

Use this as a reminder.



Found this useful? Offer a helping hand to others and share this post.

If you'd like more support in removing unconscious blocks and letting go of those emotional triggers contact me on info@emmabradford.net for 1:1 empowerment sessions - available worldwide. 

Also last chance for the EXCLUSIVE transformational Menorca retreat 26-28th May 2017. Closing date 15th April! More info here

Monday, 20 February 2017

Where The Feeling Of Joy REALLY Comes From... And How To Manage 'Failure'

There's a saying we often say in NLP.

One I've repeated time and time again in seminars, workshops and coaching sessions. 

I use this phrase as a reminder that it's not the end of the world if something doesn't go 'according to plan'. 

Before I dive straight into the phrase, I'd like to mention one common mistake in the self-development field (or what I prefer to call self-awareness field) and most importantly how to rectify it. 

Often we can get so caught up with a desired outcome, setting goal after goal so much so that we miss what's in between and within the process in getting there. 

I certainly fell victim to this during my first few years within this industry. Feeling that I needed to achieve more, do more, have more, be more. That put me in a very unhappy place indeed as I was so out of balance with the other side of the coin. Being an ambitious, determined Taurus by nature I still need a reminder time to time though slowly and surely over the last few years I've learnt how to balance things out. 

It's great to have goals, a desire to grow, expand and experience new things in our lives. What's not so great is doing so and forgetting to be present along the journey too. Smelling the flowers along the way as they say. 

That's where our joy comes from. 


Those little moments, experiences and gems that we experience day to day whilst we move towards x, y or z. 

Not the sole actualisation of x, y or z. 


Menorca 'Reclaim Your Inner Strength' Retreat May 26-28th 2017


And if, for whatever reason we strive towards a goal and things turn out differently than expected, how we choose to move in the lead up to the goal plays a HUGE role in how we experience 'failure'. 

For example, say there are two friend's... A and B.

  • Friend A desperately wants to achieve x, all focus is 100% on achieving x and nothing else will do. Currently feeling a lack, a sadness because they have yet to achieve x.
  • Friend B also wants to achieve x and whilst the goal is within focus they're also mindful and present about what they're learning along the way. Feeling more content about themselves and the world as the journey progresses appreciating the experiences they've gained so far.


Now, if neither one successfully achieves x first time round, which friend do you think will bounce back quicker and still feel good regardless? Which one would be more willing to give it another shot and try a new tactic?

Friend B right? 

This brings me back to the NLP phrase I mentioned... "There's no failure, only feedback" or as Marie Forleo says... "I may win or I may learn... though I never loose"

If there is something you are working towards in your life take a moment to reflect how you are moving towards that goal.


1) Is this something I desire at all levels, that is congruent with my beliefs and values? 

2) Am I enjoying the process, learning and collecting experiences and stories along the way? If not, what can help me shift my focus?

For example... some may find placing a reminder their phone with one of the above quotes/phrases helps. Find what works for you.

The journey is where we can find little nuggets of joy. It's our relationship with the experience that makes all the difference. As Brene Brown says...

"I leap for the experience through the air... because I cannot predict the landing... (ask yourself)... what's worth doing even though I may fail?"


Have a friend that would find this useful? Forward on this post, offering a helping hand.

And if you'd love to transform how you manage unwanted emotions, negative self-talk and to experience a more accepting and loving relationship with yourself come and join my exclusive retreat in May!

Return home feeling refreshed, knowing you can handle whatever life throws at you. A weekend retreat that lasts a lifetime.

More details can be found HERE - earlybird price ends 15th of March 2017!