Tuesday, 21 March 2017

How One Post-It Note Propelled Me Into Change...

It's of the biggest lessons I've learnt in life.

That no matter how bleak a situation may seem. There is always one thing that remains.

Choice. There are many options in life and often we forget how many are available to us. Not only that, also we're the ones in control whether we're aware or not. 

NLP has been a loving 'kick up the backside' and reminder for me many times whenever I've felt like a victim. And yes being a victim is more common than we think...

Finding every excuse and reason why...

  • We can't do something - even though we know we'd benefit by doing it.
  • We need to hold onto a problem, remaining focused on the problem not open to considering different perspectives.
  • We're not to blame and the other person or outside force is and they have inflicted us (this includes blaming the government for how we feel!)
  • We need to hold onto a grudge... even if it's something from years ago (move on, for your sake and if you need help letting go check out this previous blog post). 
  • We need sympathy from others believing that life always throws us the worst.
  • Everyone else is better than us or has what we want and lack.
  • We don't deserve good things, yet other people do.
  • We always have such bad luck or always fall ill. 
  • We need to use the phrases 'If only I had done___x, y, z___' - self blame is also being a victim!
  • And much more...

So how does NLP shake us out of this? 

If we create our emotions through our thoughts, behaviour, lifestyle etc then nobody can force us to feel a certain way. It may feel like they can, though we are the ones attaching meaning to that situation and influencing how we feel no matter how uncomfortable that might be to hear. 

And if we're creating how we feel surely we can create a different response right? 

Yes! And this is where NLP (or any other method that works with the unconscious mind) comes in handy. It helps us to let go of emotional triggers and consciously create how we wish to feel.

First, let's be clear...

To have the occasional moan means we're human. No need to beat ourselves up. Though to remain stuck in a victim mentality, using any of the above list on a regular basis keeps us dis-empowered, stuck and in a state of lack and fear. 

Not to mention pretty miserable. 

The easy option is to blame. The happier option is to accept personal responsibility for our life and empower ourselves into the life we desire. If we desire change we need to take inspired action and influence what we can... ourselves and how we respond to things. 

One thing that can help is observing what we're really looking for. Our behaviour is a clear indication of what is going on unconsciously - some say our unconscious mind controls more than 95% of our behaviour! By observing our behaviour we can gain an idea of what our unconscious wants. Quite often with victim behaviour, it's a desire to feel loved with a sense of belonging. If you catch yourself doing any of the above behaviours ask yourself this...

1) What am I really looking for? 

2) And how can I generate some of this myself? 

For example, if we're looking for love, we can find ways to connect to that feeling rather than expecting others on a daily basis to generate that for us. Because that's how we experience love - it's a feeling and there are many ways to create how you feel. Loving words, thoughts, sights, sounds, smells, environments etc that don't solely depend on other people. 

Try this... 

In the past if I wanted to make changes, bring something new into my life and felt resistance cropping up... I would write the following words on a post-it note and place it somewhere I could see it everyday.

Option 1: Stay the same 

Option 2: Make a change

That reminder, noticing what life would be like if I remained the in the same situation for years and years, along with removing any necessary limiting beliefs and inner conflicts, meant desired experiences were a lot easier to bring into my life. 

And when I say make a change, it's about aligning ourselves with our authentic self, so we can receive what we truly desire, re-framing situations so they no longer bother us and seeing things from another perspective. 

When we remove limiting beliefs its as if the glasses we wear become a little sharper, a few scratches removed so we can see things with a clearer perspective. It's about remembering who we truly are, letting go of all the false beliefs of 'not being good enough' we may have picked up along the way.

Because you are, absolutely good enough, without a doubt to experience the life you desire.

Use this as a reminder.

Found this useful? Offer a helping hand to others and share this post.

If you'd like more support in removing unconscious blocks and letting go of those emotional triggers contact me on info@emmabradford.net for 1:1 empowerment sessions - available worldwide. 

Also last chance for the EXCLUSIVE transformational Menorca retreat 26-28th May 2017. Closing date 15th April! More info here

Monday, 20 February 2017

Where The Feeling Of Joy REALLY Comes From... And How To Manage 'Failure'

There's a saying we often say in NLP.

One I've repeated time and time again in seminars, workshops and coaching sessions. 

I use this phrase as a reminder that it's not the end of the world if something doesn't go 'according to plan'. 

Before I dive straight into the phrase, I'd like to mention one common mistake in the self-development field (or what I prefer to call self-awareness field) and most importantly how to rectify it. 

Often we can get so caught up with a desired outcome, setting goal after goal so much so that we miss what's in between and within the process in getting there. 

I certainly fell victim to this during my first few years within this industry. Feeling that I needed to achieve more, do more, have more, be more. That put me in a very unhappy place indeed as I was so out of balance with the other side of the coin. Being an ambitious, determined Taurus by nature I still need a reminder time to time though slowly and surely over the last few years I've learnt how to balance things out. 

It's great to have goals, a desire to grow, expand and experience new things in our lives. What's not so great is doing so and forgetting to be present along the journey too. Smelling the flowers along the way as they say. 

That's where our joy comes from. 

Those little moments, experiences and gems that we experience day to day whilst we move towards x, y or z. 

Not the sole actualisation of x, y or z. 

Menorca 'Reclaim Your Inner Strength' Retreat May 26-28th 2017

And if, for whatever reason we strive towards a goal and things turn out differently than expected, how we choose to move in the lead up to the goal plays a HUGE role in how we experience 'failure'. 

For example, say there are two friend's... A and B.

  • Friend A desperately wants to achieve x, all focus is 100% on achieving x and nothing else will do. Currently feeling a lack, a sadness because they have yet to achieve x.
  • Friend B also wants to achieve x and whilst the goal is within focus they're also mindful and present about what they're learning along the way. Feeling more content about themselves and the world as the journey progresses appreciating the experiences they've gained so far.

Now, if neither one successfully achieves x first time round, which friend do you think will bounce back quicker and still feel good regardless? Which one would be more willing to give it another shot and try a new tactic?

Friend B right? 

This brings me back to the NLP phrase I mentioned... "There's no failure, only feedback" or as Marie Forleo says... "I may win or I may learn... though I never loose"

If there is something you are working towards in your life take a moment to reflect how you are moving towards that goal.

1) Is this something I desire at all levels, that is congruent with my beliefs and values? 

2) Am I enjoying the process, learning and collecting experiences and stories along the way? If not, what can help me shift my focus?

For example... some may find placing a reminder their phone with one of the above quotes/phrases helps. Find what works for you.

The journey is where we can find little nuggets of joy. It's our relationship with the experience that makes all the difference. As Brene Brown says...

"I leap for the experience through the air... because I cannot predict the landing... (ask yourself)... what's worth doing even though I may fail?"

Have a friend that would find this useful? Forward on this post, offering a helping hand.

And if you'd love to transform how you manage unwanted emotions, negative self-talk and to experience a more accepting and loving relationship with yourself come and join my exclusive retreat in May!

Return home feeling refreshed, knowing you can handle whatever life throws at you. A weekend retreat that lasts a lifetime.

More details can be found HERE - earlybird price ends 15th of March 2017!

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

3 Ways To Transform How You Feel Right Now

Looking up at the cool, star filled country night sky, I breathed a sigh of relief. 

It had been a hard 6 months. 

A breakup, work & money stresses and day to day life struggles. I was  burned out, ready for a change. It was this that led me to book a weekend retreat over a year ago. A weekend just for me on one of my favourite islands, Menorca, to unwind, learn, reflect and reconnect. 

When we get caught up in the daily grind we can forget how disconnected we become. Continuing to run in circles on a hamster wheel out of fear rather than take a moment to step off, regain our balance and reflect on what is necessary. 

Are you currently in a state of fear or LOVE? 

Is what you are doing right NOW absolutely necessary for your current or future health and well-being? 

If not, how can you readjust your priorities so that you continue contributing to your health and well-being?

Sometimes a check-in or reminder is all we need. Sometimes a break-state exercise can work wonders (keep reading for more), and sometimes we need a complete break. A break to press the 'reset' button so we can regain alignment, and leap forward into new exciting experiences and opportunities in our lives.

I know that when I have felt stressed, anxious or in a state of fear in the past my focus was simply out of alignment with what I wanted. I was focusing on what I feared most, listening to the Inner Critic's spew of hurtful comments and forgetting to connect with what truly fills me with joy. 

You see, we can create our emotional state. Anytime, anywhere. In fact we do it all the time... just most the time we are not conscious of it. Emotions don't just happen to us. It can feel like they do if we live our lives unconscious of our thought processes. With awareness though we can notice that by tracing out thoughts back after a particular emotion arises... there you have the answer. 

There you have the root cause. 

There are many tools and techniques out there, it can be an overwhelming supermarket of self-awareness techniques. Which is why I have kept not all, though most of my focus on NLP. It works, it's simple and it gives us the emotional mastery tools that make any challenging situation so much easier to bear. 

That retreat a year ago on Menorca was one of the many experiences that inspired me to create my own so others could experience the same with some additional NLP techniques. If I could create a wonderful relaxing break PLUS the life tools to take home so to enjoy a happier, healthier life with less stress, now that would be something valuable indeed. 

And this is exactly what I have chosen to do. 

First, if you feel you need a SOS reset right now, feeling stressed and frazzled longing for an escape try one of these 3 BREAK-STATE exercises...

  • Dance to your favourite song, not only does your moving body help your physical well-being it also releases feel good hormones boosting your emotional state. And not forgetting that music is a powerful, powerful healer.
  • Take a brisk walk outdoors in nature, so you can soak up the negative ions (that are positive for the body). I don't know about you, I find it virtually impossible to not to feel grateful and uplifted when I'm surrounded by nature. Try it, you may you struggle to hold onto the stress too ;-)
  • Close your eyes and think of something that helps you to feel happy and calm... this could be a memory, a time in your past where you experienced that emotion. See what you saw, hear what your heard and notice that feeling becoming stronger with every breath. Notice what you say to yourself when you feel happy and calm. If you could give this emotion a colour what would that be? Notice how things start to steadily transform as you imagine that colour flowing through and around your body.
I encourage you to find what works for you, find feel good activities that can give you an extra boost in a healthy and productive manner. Choose to consciously create how you want to feel. 

Yes, it's possible!

And if you'd like to discover specific NLP techniques to effectively manage your emotions, transform your relationship with yourself and that critical voice within all whilst enjoying the beautiful tranquil Menorcan surroundings get in contact. 

This retreat has only 7 places. If you want to be one of those lucky 7, visit my website for more information on prices and to reserve your place www.emmabradford.net or send me an email at info@emmabradford.net. Earlybird price closing date ends 15th March 2017!

It's time for some radical self-care lovely - let's make 2017 even better.

Have a friend that may be interested? Brighten their day and forward on this post. 

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